I got nothin’. My reservoir is empty. I think I know what I should do or how I should respond but I just can’t conjure up the will to act the way I think I know I should. Know what I mean? Ever been in the ‘that’ place?
So… I sat on a wooden bench and tried to ‘figure it out’. (Reminds me of a poster that was in my dad’s office: “Sometimes I sit and think… and sometimes I just sit).
My bend is toward psychology and the many useful tools it procures. Wracking my brain I looked back into past history and embracing past hurts, I tried to process legitimate feelings so that I could come up with a game plan to face the future (psychodynamic). I looked for patterns of behavior or conditioned responses that I have about the situation (behaviorism) and I reflected on the support I have around me (social psych). I thought through some of the belief systems I have about myself and the situation I was in (cognitive psychology). I even contemplated to what extend I was responsible for the happiness of others (existentialism).
“If I can just figure this out…” was the mantra that cycled throughout all my thoughts.
Then I got a revelation. I think it was straight from the Holy Spirit. Although it sounded like my voice, the message was so contrary to what I was thinking and the message was so profound, I knew it was from my Heavenly Father.
“You can’t figure this one out… you just have to act in faith.”
No matter how hard I try, I won’t be able to figure this out. I will never have the mental capacity to rationalize, energize or strategize what needs to be done. I just need to turn to God. To fill up in his grace and allow his love to ooze over me so that I walk in his strength and power.
That afternoon I was talking to a friend and she shared some great advice that she had gotten the day before: “You need to jump into a big bucket of grace”.
Acting by faith, I allow God to give me whatever I need for each situation. No personal ‘reservoir’; just a moment by moment flowing of grace. His grace to do what He wants me to do. Later that week I was reading through Philippians and this time God used his word to drive home this truth.
Philippians 2:12-13 “continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”
How reassuring to know that it is God who works in me. I am not earning my salvation by my own merit or strength; it is God living in me. He will give me the desire (to will) and the ability (to act) to do the good stuff he wants me to do. He knows what I am facing and He has a good purpose that he wants me to do.
Just to make sure that I had gotten the point God sent it in three’s: first the personal revelation, then the friend-given confirmation and the scriptural instruction.
I have an ornamental silver bucket sitting on my desk now. It is a constant reminder to me that I don’t need to figure everything out. Act in faith, and let God take care of the rest. Sometimes you need to sit and think and sometimes you just need to sit… in that big bucket of grace.